Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Marlboro sweats and rich old pervy men

I should be working on my book. I should be working on my business plan. I should be looking for jobs. All these little time. You would think with all this free time not working, I could have whipped out a book and a FEW business plans. It just doesn't work that way, and those of you that have been unemployed know exactly what I mean.

The only other time in my life I was unemployed was over 10 years ago, and it was for a few short, yet grueling months. I spent most of my days laying around in these red sweats with the word Marlboro printed down the side. Those days were pretty grim. I gave up my apartment and lived with some friends and their stinky dogs. Really, they were gross. They were cocker spaniels and they would always leave these "little presents", in solid AND liquid form, in the foyer for a greeting as you entered the door. Nasty. They always used Pine Sol to clean it up too, which I found quite disturbing. To this day, if I smell Pine Sol, I will either gag or worse: blow chunks.

I didn't think I would ever find a job, so I took this bartending gig 2 nights a week at this cheesy bar that had line dancing lessons on Mondays and Tuesdays. By day, a Marlboro sweat wearing slob, by night - a tight shirt, mini skirt wearing bartender for the urban cowgirls and pervy old business men of the east side. What a catch I was!

Needless to say, that job didn't last very long. I got tired of the old men that would offer to pay for things in exchange for my company. Ew. I was broke, but not desperate. This one old man, who had to have been in his 80s, always would ask me if I had a fur coat and offer to pay for my college. Seriously, I could have been "Amber Nicole"...thank God I have some pride left at this point. Conversations were never dull with this man, but this one in particular grossed me out so bad that I must over-share:

Rich old pervy man: You need your box fixed?

Me: Excuse me, what did you say?

Rich old pervy man: I said, do you need your box fixed?

Me: What are you talking about?

Rich old pervy man: Well, any girl I've gone out with either needs her box fixed or her teeth fixed, and your teeth look fine to me.

Yes, what a FINE place it was. A few years later, the place had changed names and got some notority from a certain Detroit rap star.... (that I have to admit I had a big crush on).

I digress. My life is not that bad. The Marlboro sweats are long gone and now they've been replaced by the awesome sock monkey slippers I picked up for $7. My nights are spent hanging out with my BBE (best boyfriend ever) or my cousin. I'm either cooking dinner, playing a board game, playing with my sweet little pug or watching a movie. Such a difference a decade makes.

So, now that I have reminisced......and realized things could be a LOT worse, I think I will go ahead and work on that business plan.....


colfin2002 said...


Candice said...

Glad you are staying positive. Can't wait for your book!!