Monday, December 22, 2008

Karma, you are such a bitch!!

A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend of mine about what NOT to get women for Christmas, namely vacuum cleaners, appliances, or anything to do with "losing weight" like gym memberships or ab-rollers. Why the heck is it that 2 days before Christmas my vacuum decides to kill itself?

Now I want one. I want a nice new shiny vacuum with a pet-hair attachment. I want the Cadillac of vacuums. I want one I can depend on, one that makes my freakish anal-retentive cleaning habits happy. But darn it, the last thing I want to spend MY money on is a vacuum. I seriously would take one as a gift this year, and I might not even complain about it..... well, not that much anyway.

So, here's to Karma that stupid bitch that just bit me in the ass today. I am toasting this apple-cinnamon vanilla kahlua drink I concocted to Karma. Merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Let's play a game...

It's called, "Let's see what's in your fridge!" Ok, you guessed it, I am a little bored. First of all, it's freezing rain outside and I can't go anywhere. Second of all, I am trying to avoid making a big bowl of buttery popcorn I don't need. But let's face it, sooner or later I will cave. And thirdly, I have a few friends that may be in need of a chuckle while they recover from treatments, surgeries, or maybe just holiday blues.

So, how exactly do you play this game?, you ask. Well, I will start. Take a picture of your fridge.

Ok, you don't have to put in all the fancy little labels, but I thought it would be a nice touch. This is where the game part comes in. Seeing what is in my fridge, can you make a meal out of this? I thought it would be a little fun challenge for you. Let's start out with a Kahlua & Baileys on ice, shall we? Ok now your turn. Comment away with my next meal.

Pigs don't bark

Well, that's what I tell my bundle of joy when he barks at nothing. Seriously, if you ever wonder why I call him "my little piggy" this ought to give you some idea how he comes up with that nickname.

Oh, and he snorts too.

Now, you are asking yourself, "Why are you posting a picture of your dog's junk?". Because. It's funny. And I have had to see nude pics of your kids when they were babies, and I am getting you back. I don't know, I just think this one is hysterical. This was taken in my office where I had to use a space heater before the ole' boiler room kicked on. Now, he normally just sits in front of it, but THIS, my friends was a pug-o-graphic moment just waiting to happen.

Seriously, what a pig!

Pizza Rolls, Cream Cheese, & Chardonnay

Ah yes, a gourmet dinner for the elite!! What can I say, I had a craving and just so happened to have Pizza Rolls in stock - what a bonus! And if you have never tried this, dip those bad boys in cream cheese for a twist - yum!!

And I have only had a few sips of the chardonnay, so at least I won't gross anyone out with "cat poop" emails like last time I drank too much and sat at the computer. Sorry, ladies, I just couldn't help myself!!

I found this wine in the clearance bin at the grocery store for $3.99 a bottle!! It's actually pretty good, so I went back and bought 6 more bottles. With all the holiday entertaining coming up, it will definitely come in handy. Wait, who am I kidding? I am drinking it all to myself!! Just call me Wine Grinch.

I guess when you are tight on the budget, you become somewhat of a tight-ass. You just can't help it. You hoard things that are super cheap deals, but you hesitate to tell anyone in case they go and buy it up! You sit at home and go through the grocery ads to see who has the cheapest things on your list, and you actually go to 3 different stores just to get the deals!! You don't use coupons because we all know it's not a savings - well, it is for you LABEL SNOBS that can't buy store brand.

You wait until your shutoff notice comes for the cable and phone to pay it and you only pay the minimum, because maybe you like playing that little game by now. HA! I will get them, I am NOT going to pay my bill - I like to tease them with thinking they are going to shut me off! Then WHAM! I pay the minimum! It's really a win-win if you ask me.

Oh, and my favorite? Is how you are always talking to your friends about how tight you are with money and then you go and spend money on something frivolous!! So what your saying is, hey I would like to hang out with you, but I would rather buy myself a DVD player so I can sit at home and watch movies from Netflix, which, by the way, costs me $14.99 per month!

Ah, the joys of a reduced income....

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Somewhat of a rant.....

Ok, it IS a rant.

Today I spoke with a customer that was a total F'ng C*NT. If you know me, you know that I don't just throw that word around, it truly only goes to the well deserved.

I am not going to get into the details, because you probably wouldn't get what I was talking about anyway, but let's just say this chick needs to get laid or maybe just an old fashioned bitch-slapping. How anyone can go through life so miserable is beyond me. She was completely rude, called me "Veronica", and was acting as if I didn't know what I was talking about. Well bitchbag, you are the one who doesn't know wtf is going on - you are the one who called us, remember??

I tried to be as helpful as I could without being condescending myself, but that stupid bitch hung up on me!!! WTF???

Ahhh...I feel better already....

Just remember when you call up "customer service"," tech support", etc. you are talking to REAL people. Maybe you will think twice before being rude to someone on the phone. They are just trying to do their job - and maybe...just should thoroughly explain yourself and be patient. Don't expect people to read your mind - because guess what - we can't.

From now on, I am going to fill out every customer satisfaction survey I get. Now that I know how important it is for customer service reps to get feedback, I will take out that 10 minutes of my life to fill out a form.

And now I am going to have a glass of Chardonnay and have a toast to all customer service, tech support, and application support personnel I know - GOD BLESS YOU!!!!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Tis the season...

Today I am finally going to break out the Christmas decorations, since the rest of the city is donned in lights - I figured it's about time I get with it. Everyone has their own little holiday traditions each year, some with family and some with friends, but mine consist of a tradition with me. Ok, one year my mom helped - but ask her about it some time and she will probably tell you it was not very much fun for her. Sorry, Mom, I know I can be a bit anal....ok a lot.

My tradition consists of decorating my house and putting up my tree all while listening to Christmas music and drinking wine. Sounds normal enough, right? Well, it's the way I decorate the tree that might seem a little rigid and maybe even psycho to some. I have a specific order in which things go on the tree, and for 10 years it has not changed.

1. Put on the Christmas CDs - Nature's Nutcracker and Nat King Cole's The Christmas Song
2. Uncork and pour the wine - Usually a chardonnay or a pinot grigio
3. Put up the fancy mantle garland I made (has silver bows on it)
4. Refill my wine glass
5. Put out any other silver decorations ( a silver santa, silver mini dried flower pots, silver runner, starting to get the picture?)
6. A little more wine....
7. Assemble the tree (I used to have a fake tree, but gave it away when I moved)
8. Top off my wine glass, heaven forbid it actually gets down to less than half full

And, no, I have not forgotten about the last and final steps of decorating the tree, I just think that it deserves its own little list.

1. Lights first - only white lights are allowed on my tree
2. Do I need more wine? Sure do!
3. Load up the silver garland and strings of beads - 2 sizes of each totaling more than 8 strands of silver
4. Check my wine glass
5. Bulbs are next, and guess what - they are all silver! I have 2 sizes of bulbs and probably somewhere along the lines of 75 of them. I am actually going to count them up this year just for kicks.
6. A little more wine....
7. Time for the bows!! Silver, of course!
8. Now the silver ribbons !!
9. Fill up the wine glass, I am almost finished!!
10. Place the Silver Santa on top of the tree, sit on the couch with my glass of wine, enjoy the music and the beautiful tree, reflecting on the past year's events - all of which seem kind of blurry at this point.

Yup, by this time I am pretty buzzed up from all the's a pretty great tradition if you ask me.

This year is a little bit of a bonus - I am going to make this a 2 day event. I am going to put up all the decorations out on one day, and the Christmas Tree comes later. I figured since I am getting a real tree, I will wait until the last minute when hopefully the trees will go on sale. I will probably end up with a Charlie Brown looking tree, but who cares. Once that thing gets doused with silver, you won't be able to recognize it anyway.

Well, it's almost noon so I best be getting myself to the store to grab the wine. I think one bottle will suffice for today's activities, but I am going to grab two - because in my house there is a rule: Do not EVER let yourself run out of wine!!